A fisherman is heading home at dusk. The river is narrow. Suddenly another boat is headed straight for him, approaching rapidly. He gets upset and starts to yell: “Watch out! Turn!” But the other boat crashes into him anyway. The fisherman is furious and starts yelling louder and louder; until he realizes no one is piloting the other vessel. He was bumped by an empty boat! He now feels even more upset: he has nobody to blame.
When bad things happen, do you blame your family, friends, acquaintances or perhaps God? Denying the deity exists and then blaming him for the chaos that results, is our diurnal chore. We hold him to standards that we’ve created, assuming that the celestial will make everything perfect in our lives – even when we do none of the things we are called to do to potentially position ourselves for him to actively intercede in our lives – and that he exists to prevent injustice.
Unfortunately (or not), we don’t make the rules and that’s not how it works. Even the greatest characters in the Bible suffered tremendous pain and suffering, so why will, and should, we be spared?
When problems occur, we don’t like to blame ourselves. Frustration, anger, envy, and guilt are unpleasant feelings.Scapegoating is a self-defense mechanism we project onto others what we don’t want to see in ourselves. In fact, blaming others is easier. It’s natural for we are not only biologically programmed to see wrong, to hear wrong, and to speak wrong, but we painfully remember every way we were wronged by others. We cling onto past feelings and memories despite the reality that we cannot change what has already happened to us.
But sometimes Self-blaming and Self-reflection is good; it’s not like we have to beat and punish ourselves for everything we commit but simply acknowledge our actions and perceive, that we can be wrong. Look in the mirror and ask yourself:
1. Am I living true to myself?
2. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?
3. Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
4. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?
5. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?
6. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?
7. What do I want most in life?
8. What is life asking of me?
9. Which is worse: failing or never trying?
10. Does it really matter what others think about me?
It’s better to take ownership of our actions than to blame others. Although introspection is not an easy task, it helps us understand our actions, words and emotions better along with acting as powerful catalysts in our personal growth. The most important aspect of taking responsibility of your life is to acknowledge that your life is your responsibility. No one can live our life for us; we are in charge. No matter how hard we try to blame others for the events of our lives, each one is a result of choices we made and are making.
Accepting our responsibilities and not chaining ourselves to the chair of defense is the most valiant thing we can do. Sure, the competency required to do the same is unmatched but so is self-reliance!